dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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