I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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