i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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