my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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