Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
