We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
