tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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