i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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