Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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