I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
