the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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