I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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