would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
