She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
