...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
