This dress was meant to end up on your floor
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
