When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
