She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
