i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
