I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize