a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
