The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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