I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
