proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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