I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
