Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She announced her abortion via fbk
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
