you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
