I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
