did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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