just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
