i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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