12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
