She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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