My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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