You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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