I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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