I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
