I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
