Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
