is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
