so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
