both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
