I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
no, he came in my armpit
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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