So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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