Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
