we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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