matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
