i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
oh god was she eating orange peels again
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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