If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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