If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
