Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
